I had the grace to hear a powerful “marriage exhortation” the other day when I attended the wedding of a couple who married in the Traditional Rite. The Exhortation was given by Fr. Eric Forbes, OFM Cap. and I lightly edited it from the bulleted form in which the written text was given to me.
______ and ______ are here this morning to get married, and as special and as unique as _________ and _________ are, they are doing something that billions of other couples have done all throughout the world. All throughout history, just as _________ and _________’s parents did years ago, and their parents before them – all the way back to the dawn of mankind.
Marriage is about as human and as natural a thing as one can think of. Men and women have been marrying everywhere and for all time. There is no corner of this huge world where men and women have not been marrying, even if the way they do it or the customs with which they do it differ from place to place. The idea is essentially the same: A man and woman fall in love and that love is so special, so all-embracing that both husband and wife agree, by mutual consent, to form a lifelong partnership excluding all others. They are now one, not two. His life is bound up with hers, and hers with his. If one hurts, the other hurts; when one is happy, both are happy.
So why here in church? We are here in church because even though marriage is so human and so natural and found wherever there are humans, and done all through human history and human time, everything human and everything natural comes from God. God is the inventor, if you will, of marriage, putting the desire for marriage in the hearts of men and women.
And God “invented” marriage for two reasons: First was for the good of the spouses. It is not good for man to be alone, God said. So God made a suitable partner for the man, who said when He first saw Eve, “Now at last this one is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone” [Gen. 2:23]. Adam was pointing out the essential equality of man and woman. Adam sees himself in his wife, his flesh and bones, and she does the same. Their lives are bound to each other.
And the second reason God invented marriage is for the good of not just two people, but for the good of the entire human race. For the two people, husband and wife, become three people, four people, five people, and so on when the children come. And when the children get married, there are dozens more of people, hundreds, thousands and more people.
And the permanence that God gave marriage is also for the good of both. The permanent bond husband and wife promise each other anchors this relationship in that security and safety. That come what may – good times or bad – sickness or health, the two will never leave each other, but will always find a way. Nobody gives their 100% to an “if” or a “maybe”, but by closing off the “escape door”, husbands and wives give each other the confidence to both giving it their 100%.
This permanence is also for the good of the children, who grow up with mom and dad united in an unbreakable bond. The children see mom and dad weather the storms and come out alright when the storm is over. What a lesson of hope and faith parents give their children, who then put those lessons into practice when they themselves marry.
But there is this last layer which is added to a Catholic wedding. God invented marriage, but Christ lifted it up to a higher level when He came down to earth. Because, in a spiritual way, the Lord is married, too, united to the human race when He took on our human flesh and human nature. He is married to His Church, for whom He died and rose again. And He gave His Bride, the Church, everything He has.
A man gives his wife his name, and we bear the name Christian. A man gives everything he has to his bride, and Christ has given us heaven. A man supports and lifts up his wife, and Christ showers down grace and blessings on us. And just as Christ died for His Bride, the Church, husbands sacrifice themselves for their wives and wives for their husbands. And when the sacrifice becomes hard, husband and wife get a special grace in this Sacrament to make the sacrifice. Husbands and wives also get that grace each time they go to Mass and receive Holy Communion because it is the Sacrifice of our Lord – who gives us the strength to make our own sacrifices for the good of our marriage, our family, our Church and the world.
So _________ and _________, what a blessed day this is for the both of you! Your Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is also a great blessing for us when we see the two of you live like our Lord did, in love for each other, in sacrifice for each other.
God bless you! We pray for every blessing in your marriage, and we can’t wait to see how your marriage just gets stronger and more beautiful as the days go by.